I was going to participate in breaking the daily fast on the first day of Ramadan on Monday, September 1, 2008, with the women's interfaith book club at Charis. The three Muslim women had recommended we wear some kind of head covering, saying it didn't matter what kind. So I had phoned and asked if they would be offended if I wore a kippah, and they said not at all.
A kippah is a head covering some Jews wear to indicate reverence for God. Some say it is worn as a reminder there's something "above" the wearer. Perhaps you've heard of yarmulka. That used to be the more common term. Yarmulka is Yiddish; kippah is Hebrew.
Back in the '50's and early '60's at the Temple, no one wore a kippah. American Reform Judaism at that point in time was rejecting such traditions; they were not considered "modern" or suitably integrationist. When I showed up again over 40 years later, everything had changed. A number of men were wearing kippot. So were women, which was unheard of before. The old tradition had been enlivened. Society had changed, too; people had become proud of their ethnicity.
So I put on my kippah. My hair was still long. I pulled it back and bobby-pinned the kippah on the back of my head. It was winter-white with blue and purple stripes in a roughly circular design. My then-25-year-old son came by the house. I felt a little embarrassed but I guess he took it in stride. My children were raised before I rediscovered Judaism.
I got in my car and drove to the bookstore. It felt risky when I got out of the car, but it's only a few steps to the door. Inside, I still felt awkward with my kippah on. It didn't help that I hadn't finished the book for the evening (Qur'an and Woman by Amina Wadud). I was over-committed, of course--when am I not?--but what did that mean except that I had deemed this book less worthy of my time? It also meant I had little to contribute. Then the Muslim women led us in the "breakfast." This was turning out to be one of those times I feel stilted and apart and couldn't fix it. The hat didn't help. Although they had asked me to wear a head covering, I felt like I was grandstanding.
Outside afterward, that vulnerable feeling again! Glad to jump into my car, drive home, take it off! I need to fill up my rituals with meaning before I perform them. Also, this was a mail-order kippah with a pointy look to it. One of the new gently rounded ones, like little circles, would work better. As with any clothing, you will feel better if what you're wearing is in style. And no grandstanding for me; I will not show up at your church wearing a kippah unless I'm wearing one at my synagogue!
One other thought. I said I felt odd and isolated wearing the kippah. Well, if I set myself apart, shouldn't I expect to be targeted? I've heard something like that twice in the last three years, from separate cross-sections of liberal white religious but post-Christian Atlanta. That's enough to think it's a pattern. Here's one example: "Now, Jan, if you, Dennis and I went to some foreign country and kept to ourselves with our own customs, couldn't we anticipate persecution?" That one was from a minister (and a Buddhist), arm around my shoulder, confidingly. Spoken as though by someone who's above it all. The other source was less creepy.
It turns out this sentiment surfaced during the French National Assembly circa 1789 in the struggle to ratify the Declaration of the Rights of Man. The reactionary view was that Jews should not have civil rights because--for one reason--they had excluded themselves and did not mingle with society. The liberal answer was that they were forced by law to live apart! In other words, the issue was legal segregation, not ethnic customs. Blessedly we don't have legal segregation these days, but I think "You should expect to be persecuted because you set yourself apart" actually refers to how Christian theology sets Jews apart for not accepting Christianity, not to the circumstance of Jews' having our own customs. My hypothesis is supported by the otherwise general liberal embrace of immigrants and ethnicity. It's also supported by the fact that culturally assimilated Jews have not been immune from hateful attitudes--or persecution.
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